The not so friendly mutton chops

After discussing its future, with my beard, Giuseppe (as he has asked to be called) brought up a few persuasive points that can be used to sway most people into accepting his existence.

Giuseppe informed me that though, on the outside, he has fashioned himself to resemble a late Victorian style called "Friendly mutton chops", he is in all terms and in action "not so friendly mutton chops". Giuseppe requires blood sacrifice to remain appeased and open to friendly dialogue. And the last but final point he brought to my attention was that deep down he only reacts this way to constructive criticism because he was abused as a young beard.

His handler would rarely wash and condition him and quite frequently massaged him with strange but alluring aromatic oils. Occasionally, Giuseppe was allowed get a trim, but was forced through rigorous training to grow at an unnatural pace. These conditions in Giuseppe's formative years caused him to develop, what those of us in the behavioral sciences call, anti-social tendencies exacerbated by a schizoid personality disorder.

So you see, Giuseppe is a product of his upbringing and cannot be held fully responsible for his choices no matter how egregious they may be.

Recently Giuseppe communicated a desire to engage in the blood sport of white tail deer hunting. He told me that perhaps taking the life of a cute, defenseless and tick ridden forest creature, may sustain his blood lust and keep him from committing more heinous acts. As I am but a prisoner of Giuseppe's control and relentless itching, I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into relation with Giuseppe. I found myself unable to relate to outsiders and found myself identifying with his lust for the hunt. There for, in my Stockholm Syndrome induced haze, I allowed Giuseppe to hunt for a white tail on a select piece of land not far from where me and my family have been held captive by my beard.

You can see, in the gruesome photo provided, that Giuseppe had quite the aim, and that though he may be anti social in nature, even he fears the far reaching hand of the Idaho State Fish and Game. He purchased a hunting license and deer tag, which he attached to the deer immediately upon the kill. You must understand that even Giuseppe, in the throws of the blood lust, must bow to common decency and forms of etiquette, lest he be captured and dispatched before he is able to usher in the coming of the ultimate evil that is complete congressional control by the Democrats.

Giuseppe informed me that after he was done with the deers liver, which he believes he must ingest to keep his blood from turning to powder, I could have the rest of the deer to do with as I saw fit. I thank Giuseppe for his kind mercies and the deer is now in my freezer as stew, jerky and other fine cuts of meat.