It's beardface` damn it!

Thats right October 15 has come and gone and that means it's beard season at the department. This is my fine specimen of Beardus Americanus or the American Beard, facial hair, and as it is known in some areas, the cheek hide. There is kind of an unspoken contest that erupts around this date at the Office. You know. Who can grow the manliest facial hair the quickest? I believe I am in the lead. The photos are of the beard 7 days in. looks pretty good eh?




















I have included a pensive look in this photo so that you may all bask in the intelligence that my beard exudes. As a matter of fact after only a week of growth my beard began talking in full sentences with polysyllabic words. After another week I am afraid of what my beard might do. Perhaps it will find a cure for cancer, but I think it more likely to use its power for evil, and send monetary contributions to the Obama campaign........... or maybe it will just trip an old grandma in the park.




















This is a photo of my beard accusing a passer by of bad form. When asked how the beard was fairing, my wife told me to stay away from her. Poor beard. He will probably never know a womans soft touch or bask in the deep and inviting bliss that one experiences while clutched in a lovers arms..... no, not this beard. This beard is destined for the kind of loneliness reserved for those who have gambled and lost in life's great game of love. A cold and bitter loneliness. But more bitter than cold because beards are inherently warm by their furry nature, but bitter none the less, and empty.

stay tuned for weekly beard updates............ at least until the itching drives the beards host to the brink of insanity and the beard get shaved........... which could be tomorrow.

Leading the blind........and drunk.

That's right, I am probably gonna go to hell for this, but I could not help myself. Now before I begin know that this is meant to be humorous and that to protect the "not so innocent", names will be changed.

so, we have in this glorious town, like most towns, a town drunk. From here until eternity he shall be known as citizen "pees himself" for obvious reasons. Now this guy is actually a pretty decent guy when he is sober, if you are lucky enough to find him that way. We also don't have to worry about him hurting anyone while driving because he is blind.

The problem is when he drinks, which is more often than not, he becomes delusional and belligerent. He then calls the police for rather stupid reasons. Everyone at the department has dealt with "pees himself" numerous times and we have kind of developed a rotation of "who gets to deal with him this time" response.

It was my turn this time, when he called and told us that he had two cats in his apartment, and could not get them out. I get along with most animals, and this was before we had a animal control officer, so I volunteered to go remedy "pees himself's" situation.

When I arrived the door was open and I stepped in. The odor of booze permeated my every cell and I could see "pees himself" sitting on the couch rather stiffly. I asked him what was going on and he told me that he had two cats in his apartment and could not get them out. He told me that he had caught one already and was sitting on it, but now could not find the other one.

I kind of doubted his story from the beginning mainly because I knew if I was blind and intoxicated I would probably think I had touched two cats when there was only one. Anyway I tore his place up looking for the second cat an could not find it. I looked again... no cat. I told "pees himself" that I could not find the other cat, and that there was probably just one cat. He started to scream at me, and all that jazz, and then threw the cat that he was sitting on at me. I picked up the cat and told him I would check again for the second feline intruder.

After about one minute I informed "pees himself" that I had found the second suspect. He told me that he did not believe me. Alright this was where my true evil genius came out. I told him to come over and he could feel both of the cats. I held out the cat and he touched it. I then pulled the cat back and told him that was the first one. I then told him that he could then feel the second one. He reached out and I let him touch the same cat again. He then told me that he appreciated me catching both the cats.

Ya! tricking drunk blind people rocks.

Questionable police parking practices

Question: Where I live (far from your jurisdiction, of course) there's one thing the cops do that drives me NUTS. We're in a college town, and there's plenty of mischief that goes on. Our housing complex is nice, friendly family housing, but across the street is a large complex where plenty of parties are thrown. It's pretty common for the police to be on our street at night.I have no problem with that, and I appreciate their presence. However, I don't appreciate that they choose to park on the street only about a car length from the corner. There's no street lamp, so often when we come home we have a near collision with the cop car parked way too close to the street.My guess is that they're trying to sneak up on the complex to catch the guilty in their crime. Sounds great. But how would I go about complaining nicely to the police department that they need to find a better hiding place? I'm sure they're justified in what they're doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm justified in being concerned for my safety, too.Thanks, and I'll take my answer off the air.

I am glad some one has asked an intelligent question for once. Here's the skinny on why the police might be parking where they are.

When Police are deployed to a certain call, or maybe even just on patrol, there is a number of things that need the attention of the policeman or woman. the following are just a few: Tactical considerations such as officer safety, concealment, cover, response time, route of the response, possible approach lines, once out of the vehicle, and public safety as well as the well being of any possible victims. most of these probably don't even make sense to you and that's fine, what I am trying to illustrate here, is that police offices have allot to think about and plan constantly.

I am pretty sure that the police officer is not trying to make his car a hazard for you. Though your frustration is justified know he is just trying to catch the "bad guys" the best way he can, and that may mean hiding in the non lit corner area of that street.

The best way, believe it or not, to remedy this issue is not to complain at all but to offer a solution to the officer them self, not the department or thier supervisor. This would just perpetuate the "us versus them" mentality that can happen some times. Before you speak to the officer keep this in mind.

He or she is engaged in a covert surveillance duty. Don't walk up to the back of his car and surprise him or her. Call dispatch and ask them if they show an officer at that location and then ask them if they could advise the officer that a citizen will be approaching the vehicle (from whatever direction) to ask the officer a question. Once you contact the officer communicate your frustration in a polite manner and offer your solution. I bet you will be surprised with the officers response.

If the officer is not cordial or is a jerk to you, do what you feel you have to do complaint wise, but keep in mind my last post and also the fact that he may be in that position for a reason that you are not aware of , and that he cannot divulge. Yes, those reasons do occur and more frequently than you may think.

Remember communicate and offer solutions. Don't complain officers hear that enough already.

Training for the the worst

I call it fun and a great work out out. Others, who don't understand how and why we train certain ways, might find it strange or even silly. Either way, Friday the department engaged in training on how to respond to an active shooter or other violent occurrences in a school setting.
There we were with all of our gear on running around the halls of a school engaging "Hostiles" played by some citizens who were cool enough to help us out by hiding in the school with guns, screaming at us, and ultimately getting thrown to the floor, cuffed and removed from the building. We train for the worse and, of course hope it never happens.
Each team of officers experienced a number of scenarios which ended different ways depending on how the officers and "Hostiles" reacted to each others decisions. The environment was completely dynamic, fluid and unpredictable. We did our best to confuse, stress and recreated the atmosphere of a critical incident.
One scenario, that I happened to be a team leader in, was where distraught father had entered the school with a gun, shot the coach and barricaded himself in the counselors office. As we responded we witnessed the shooting and the suspect retreating to the counselors office. As soon as I had a backup officer we entered the office where, as point man, I was forced to engage the suspect and attempt a negotiation with him as he held a gun to his head threatening suicide. before any head way could be made the suspect pointed the gun at me and I fired my weapon at him taking his "pretend" life away.
If this was a real situation I would have been completely justified in my action and choice to shoot the suspect. However it still makes you think.
Now I will address a misconception that many people have about police in general. That misconception is that we are all a bunch of military wannabes that were picked on in high school that are looking for a fight, that will hopefully end with a shooting during, a midlife power trip crisis.
No cop I know wants to shoot anyone. Some cops I know don't even like guns, they just carry them because they might need them to protect someone else. Most cops who are involved in justified shootings aren't cops within a year after the incident, almost all aren't within five and some take their own life.
Right after this training I read in the paper about a NYC cop that gave the order to taze a suspect who unfortunately fell to his death during the incident. He didn't actually taze the suspect, he gave the order to taze him. The suspect died because of his order. Racked with grief for months this officer took his own life. That is tough to think about.
The last thing I ever want to do is shoot my gun at somebody. Not to brag or anything but I am a good shot, and I am pretty sure if I am forced to make that choice the intended outcome of that choice will probably occur. I fear that.
You see cops are indoctrinated from the very beginning with certain ideals about what you do as a police officer. We keep the peace. We protect life. We do everything that we can to avoid violence and death.
Is it any wonder that these incidents ruin our careers, and in some cases our life's?

Think about that next time a cop is grumpy or a little short with someone. They might have recently dealt with one of the worst that they train for.

Here we go again.

So. Here we go again. I started to do this once, long ago before I got put in as to Detective. I enjoyed doing it and loved sharing the more interesting parts and stories about my life, both for my family and friends.
Alot of my blog will be Law Enforcement based because that is my life. The job is all encompasing, and has to be if you want to do it well. Those who don't live it will never fully understand, and this blog is designed to help you understand.
My wife Kimber and my three children, know me the best. They see the stress the sleepless nights and all the good experiences that come with investigating felony crimes.
Any questions are welcome especially if they are about why you got a ticket and your D.B. neighboor did'nt, or about any aspect of Law enforcement which you happen to disagree with. my answers may suprise you because I am not what you would call a "normal Cop".

without further ado....... I give you............. Private Towers Private Places.