Training for the the worst

I call it fun and a great work out out. Others, who don't understand how and why we train certain ways, might find it strange or even silly. Either way, Friday the department engaged in training on how to respond to an active shooter or other violent occurrences in a school setting.
There we were with all of our gear on running around the halls of a school engaging "Hostiles" played by some citizens who were cool enough to help us out by hiding in the school with guns, screaming at us, and ultimately getting thrown to the floor, cuffed and removed from the building. We train for the worse and, of course hope it never happens.
Each team of officers experienced a number of scenarios which ended different ways depending on how the officers and "Hostiles" reacted to each others decisions. The environment was completely dynamic, fluid and unpredictable. We did our best to confuse, stress and recreated the atmosphere of a critical incident.
One scenario, that I happened to be a team leader in, was where distraught father had entered the school with a gun, shot the coach and barricaded himself in the counselors office. As we responded we witnessed the shooting and the suspect retreating to the counselors office. As soon as I had a backup officer we entered the office where, as point man, I was forced to engage the suspect and attempt a negotiation with him as he held a gun to his head threatening suicide. before any head way could be made the suspect pointed the gun at me and I fired my weapon at him taking his "pretend" life away.
If this was a real situation I would have been completely justified in my action and choice to shoot the suspect. However it still makes you think.
Now I will address a misconception that many people have about police in general. That misconception is that we are all a bunch of military wannabes that were picked on in high school that are looking for a fight, that will hopefully end with a shooting during, a midlife power trip crisis.
No cop I know wants to shoot anyone. Some cops I know don't even like guns, they just carry them because they might need them to protect someone else. Most cops who are involved in justified shootings aren't cops within a year after the incident, almost all aren't within five and some take their own life.
Right after this training I read in the paper about a NYC cop that gave the order to taze a suspect who unfortunately fell to his death during the incident. He didn't actually taze the suspect, he gave the order to taze him. The suspect died because of his order. Racked with grief for months this officer took his own life. That is tough to think about.
The last thing I ever want to do is shoot my gun at somebody. Not to brag or anything but I am a good shot, and I am pretty sure if I am forced to make that choice the intended outcome of that choice will probably occur. I fear that.
You see cops are indoctrinated from the very beginning with certain ideals about what you do as a police officer. We keep the peace. We protect life. We do everything that we can to avoid violence and death.
Is it any wonder that these incidents ruin our careers, and in some cases our life's?

Think about that next time a cop is grumpy or a little short with someone. They might have recently dealt with one of the worst that they train for.